Dr. Alfred Durst and Enneagram specialist Claes Lilja (he specializes
in personality types and theories) will hold a Brotherhood retreat for
HIV-positive men Oct. 13 to 16 near Stroudsburg, Penn.
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By Daniel Bort
Friday, September 05, 2008
For HIV-positive gay men, one of the most difficult aspects of healthy living is the concept of community. Even though a number of organizations support and nurture the needs of people affected by the illness in a number of ways, few outlets allow a full exploration of feelings about living with the virus.
That’s why Claes Lilja created a unique experience for HIV-positive gay men in a setting that will allow them to get in touch with their minds, hearts and spirits. Enter the idea of Brotherhood retreats, where a group of professionals create the right environment for positive men to learn and learn from each other lives and experience a real connection with their inner beings.
For four days, Oct. 13 to 16, in the middle of a completely private and secluded facility in the Poconos (overlooking the Appalachians in Pennsylvania) Lilja is hoping to accomplish what usually takes a long time for HIV-positive men: be comfortable in his own skin.
The retreat will also allow gay men from different backgrounds to compare their own life experiences, reaching out to every corner of the world where the epidemic has left its indelible mark. “Living with HIV and being a gay man is completely different depending where you live,” he said, adding that men from India, Denmark, England and all corners of the United States will attend the retreat. “We can learn a lot from others if we can find the space within ourselves where this process can deepen.”
Known for his documentaries, Lilja has devoted part of his time to the audiovisual world and another to becoming a well-known personality in the field of self-growth. He’s been in TV programs such as “Starting Over,” “The Chris Matthews Show” and appeared on Fox News as a personal coach.
He was also program director of the Enneagram Institute. “The Enneagram is a system of personality types that shows how we express different patterns of attitudes and behaviors based on our underlying fears and desires,” he explained. “It also teaches us that we are in constant change and transformation. We will use these tools in the retreat and it will help each of us gain a deeper understanding of our current situation in life—but there’s much more we are hoping to achieve through meditation, bonding and intimacy exercises as well.”
That’s why he enlisted Dr. Alfred Hurst from London as a co-facilitator. Hurst has more than 20 years of experience in workshops of this kind, with emphasis on HIV-positive gay men. You can reach part of his work on the website lovingmen.org
“To me, the best experience is the one that happens in the moment,” Hurst said. “It’s not easy to achieve, but when you get in the same room a group of men that want to create a sense of change in their lives and are committed to listen to each other and within, you can see a lot of magic in the room happening all of a sudden.”
To round up the full circle of facilitators, Lilja has also enlisted the services of Yoga instructor Rudhra Scott Lehman. Tony Mills, well-known medical doctor, will guide a session of the latest cutting-edge research and treatment.
The challenge is to create cohesion in a very diverse group of men from all walks of life in a way that is meaningful to everyone. Some personal growth techniques (like the ennagram, yoga or meditation) need to be learned before they become useful. But Lilja feels there are many shortcuts to bring these to life even for the uninitiated. “Many people want to meditate, but don’t know how. We will teach them simple techniques that they can take with them in their daily lives,” Lilja said.
Lehman, who will be leading the yoga work, added, “Yoga is about connecting with your breath, so if you are able to breathe you are already well on your way.”
A light session of Yoga before breakfast before meditation and a walk around the vicinities will be followed by guided lectures that will inform but also seek to re-create the reality of the experience.
“The most important thing and what will make it unique is the quality of the time that men from all walks of life spend with each other. So we enhance it by giving our chosen ones the possibility of using the tools around them. We expect that we will have long breaks where people can go hiking and enjoy the stunning nature around, spend time by themselves or with others depending on their mood. We will be in an isolated setting and the retreat is only for HIV-positive gay or bisexual men and any HIV-negative partner that wants to share the experience with their committed partner”, said Lilja.
POZ Brotherhood Retreat: October 13-16, 2008, near Stroudsburg, Penn. $695 includes room and board. For more information and to register, visit brotherhoodretreats.com.
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