‘Have as much fun as you want, but do so responsibly—be ethical sluts,’
says Joseph Couture, author of “Peek: Inside the Private World of
Public Sex,” a beginner’s guide to public sex.
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By Trenton Straube
Friday, June 06, 2008
Out, proud and promiscuous, Joseph Couture wants to share the joys of sex. His book, “Peek: Inside the Private World of Public Sex” (The Haworth Press) is, in his own words, “a handbook on how to get laid efficiently.” As a guide through the world of bathhouses, video booths, backrooms, toilets, bushes—any place men might hook up—Couture is witty, conversational and unapologetic in his affirmation of public sex. “I believe sex makes people happy,” he says of the book. “I wanted to bring some happiness to the world by telling people how they could get sex.”
We questioned the Canadian journalist and author—his opinion pieces have appeared in The Blade—about some of the not-so-happy aspects of public sex and asked how the Internet and same-sex marriage are altering the realms of sluttiness.
You must have heard complaints that “Peek” gives ammunition to those who portray the "homosexual lifestyle" as promiscuous and seedy, and then use that argument to deny us marriage and parenthood. Your response?
The religious right is in no position to talk about seedy lifestyles. How many of them have gotten caught with their pants down with some hooker (female or male) over the years? People who live in glass brothels shouldn't throw stones. As for gays who want to get married, I call them Borg homosexuals. They want to assimilate us, destroy individual choices and turn us all into drones. Or should I say hypocrites? Do you know how many straight married men I’ve done at the baths? And do you have any idea how many of the authentic straight men have affairs or cheat on their wives? Soon I can look forward to a little adultery with the gay married ones, too. They’re the ones who should be embarrassed. At least we sluts have the courage to be proud about whom we are without wearing that breastplate of righteousness.
How have folks responded to your unapologetic book?
It has met some mixed reviews. People who liked the book the best have been the older men. I point out that your sexual life doesn’t have to end as you make transition from twink to troll. I teach that being older can be not only sexual but also sexy. The gay sex marketplace is actually very democratic if you know how to play by the rules.
Older generations had to hide their sexuality; they’re probably more used to sex in public —albeit hidden—places. But same-sex marriage is becoming a viable goal for many. How does that affect the public sex debate?
Gay marriage is never going to eliminate public sex as long as there are closeted men and horny heterosexual men looking for sex. It’s cheap, fast, easy, anonymous. It’s the most convenient way for men to get sex.
Does the marriage debate pressure guys like you to, um, keep it in your pants?
There is a division in the community: liberation vs. assimilation. But you know what? Heterosexuals are having a lot of sex too! If we as gay men are honest about [having lots of sex], is there something wrong with it? I would argue it’s healthier to do it and tell the truth. When they say they want to imitate heterosexuals, all they want to do is imitate the lies of the heterosexual. We need to form our own models and tell the truth.
How has the Internet affected public sex?
The Internet will never eliminate public sex. The Internet is very inefficient when it comes to cruising. It can take a lot of time; a lot of men can’t have gay web sites on at work or home; they don’t want to have their picture on there; they don’t want to communicate with folks; they don’t want to go to their houses. In a lot of ways, the Internet is too personal for impersonal sex. A lot of men who want sex go out and get it. Men who want to play games go on the Internet.
What’s your take on the public sex scene in the United States?
The U.S. is going through period of repression. It started with Larry Craig [the U.S. Senator who was arrested in an airport bathroom, allegedly for initiating sexual conduct with an undercover policeman]. But the arrest and publicity affectively tells men that sex is happening in these locations and how to do it. CNN talk shows have reached more people than I ever could with a book like mine. Unfortunately, the message Craig sends to another generation of gay men is that this is bad and something to be hidden. It’s a message of self-loathing. I wish we could have a more positive image.
Some people consider monogamous gay couples a positive image. You make the case that slutiness can be good too.
I’m merely presenting public sex as an option in a way that I think is healthy. I want to say to men, “Go out there, have as much fun as you want. But do so responsibly. Be ethical sluts. Don’t harm anyone else and don’t harm yourself.” I thought long and hard about chapter about AIDS. It was very negative and I felt highest responsibility to put that in there.
I had problems with the AIDS chapter because you profile people who are so extreme—they adamantly don’t use condoms—that they almost seem crazy.
They’re meant to be more of a warning than representative. Just to say, there are some people who will take advantage of you. It’s a black belt in bathhouse self-defense. These are the extreme examples of what you’ll encounter. If you can deal with them, you can deal with anyone.
Yet AIDS isn’t the only danger. Why does the book not go into sex addiction or other potential problems? At best, it seems naïve to ignore them.
I see your point. But I’m not trying to tackle too many things at once. I’ve limited my effort to “The best way to go about getting sex.” The rest of your life is kinda your problem.
I didn’t want to play armchair psychologist. I don’t claim to have the answers to those types of questions. There is a debate in psychology whether sex addiction is a real thing or whether there’s just a natural variation in people’s sexual desires.
You have to ask yourself, “Do I do this because it’s fun and I enjoy it and it adds to the quality of my life? Or am I doing this out of some compulsive need? Is it harming me or anyone else or getting me in trouble with the law?” If you answer affirmative to any of those questions, maybe you ought to ask why you’re doing it. I want to be very clear: I don’t say there aren’t people who have problems with sex addiction or do inadvisable things. I’m trying to encourage people to make responsible and informed choices.
I guess the question becomes, “How do you navigate promiscuity and happiness?”
Well that’s the question for life in general. The [New York Times] reporter Benoit Denizet-Lewis said to me, “Joseph, I’ve been to bathhouses and there are so many sad, unhappy people walking around the halls. It seemed so desperate.” I said, “If you want to see sad desperate people, go out on the streets and look around!” The world is full of sad, unhappy people. It isn’t sex that’s making them that way. It’s their failure to cope, it’s the world we live in. Sex isn’t the problem. How you deal with the world is the problem.
“Peek: Inside the Private World of
Public Sex” (The Haworth Press) is out now.
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